sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
