Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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