he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
