Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
