when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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