so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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