Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize