I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
