he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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