dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
