I heard we made out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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