And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
