I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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