Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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