Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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