Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
smell my finger.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
