He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
soo... how was my night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
