I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
