If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm at about main and main street
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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