from now on my penis is your penis
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
