Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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