apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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