when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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