Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
