He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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