Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
