god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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