can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
