Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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