I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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