Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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