I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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