my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize