I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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