i barfeds in our rink
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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