Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
