Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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