When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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