about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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