Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
