watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The adults are the big ones right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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