Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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