Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
