Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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