I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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