the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
