I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
