I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
