You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have already put on my inside pants.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize