Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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