He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
