u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
