I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
