and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
