I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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