you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
