I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bring money and cleavage
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
