I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
