Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
