then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
