Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Green mimosas i think yes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
