Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
