fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
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She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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