oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
