I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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