the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
