I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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